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By Sean Whitmore, June 30, 2010 10:44 pm

Wow, three months without a post. Sure fucked that one up, didn’t I?

But I bring news! Sean Whitmore, humorist, is now Sean Whitmore, award-winning humorist! For reals, you guys!

This past week saw the 2010 edition of Botcon, the annual Transformers convention. It was held in Orlando this year, and because I love Transformers like a fat man loves cake, I was there. And I brought with me an entry for the Botcon fan film contest. (Well, I didn’t bring it with me, I mailed it ahead a month earlier, just let me tell the fucking story)

Now, I was never supposed to win the thing. I hadn’t attended any of the con’s past film festivals, but I’d seen some of them online. Lots of CGI, stop-motion, and Flash animation that I could never hope to compete with. I’m not computer illiterate, I’m computer blind. I don’t even know how any of the shit on this blog works, a friend set the whole thing up for me. That I’m even able to type this now is a FUCKING MIRACLE to me.

But I still wanted to enter, even if just for fun. My best friend and I have made short films together for years, hearkening back to my college days where I earned the incredibly expensive piece of wallpaper that is my broadcasting degree. So I brought my trusty camcorder over and we basically shot the movie in a weekend. I couldn’t even be arsed to write a proper script; I just had a vague plot in my head and we improvised the rest. Since we didn’t possess any of the skills that I thought was necessary to making an award-winning movie, that became the plot: my friend and I bumbling and fumfering through the attempt to shoot a short film with stop-motion animation. Basically the “Spinal Tap” for man-children who play with toys.

And it killed. The audience went nuts for it. Which is amazing, because Transformers fandom is notorious for never agreeing on anything. I’m never gonna stop kicking myself for not taping the screening, but again, I was not expecting anything like this. My video was the first one shown, and by the time the end credits began to roll, it was obvious it was going to run away with the whole contest. I was stunned, and remained that way through the screening of the rest of the films (some of which were very good, and one–the runner-up–which made me laugh out loud).

In true “American Idol” fashion, the winning entry was not revealed until the next day. I almost didn’t even go; I haven’t received enough praise in my life to be able to know how to accept it with any kind of grace or charm whatsoever. Instead of smiling sheepishly in front of a room full of people, I’d almost rather go unrecognized and just let them run the movie again. THAT’S the reason I do this, to hear people laughing at the shit I create.

Which is not to say I didn’t gladly accept the prize: $200 in convention money (which I frankly wish I could have applied to my hotel bill). And this nifty bling:

Who else would get to wear the medal but Sky Lynx?

Say…does this mean I get to call myself a professional writer now? Does it still count as being paid if I’m handed a purple print-out with “$200″ written in pen, and exchange it in the dealer room an hour later for a complete G1 Scorponok?

Anyway, while I would like to say my video is readily available on Youtube, it is not, for reasons I can’t really get into. (Suffice to say, this again goes back to me never thinking it was actually going to win) I currently have it set to Private, but I can allow anyone who’s interested to access it. So comment or email me if you wanna see it! Keep in mind the jokes are very much inside baseball where it comes to Transformers fandom.

Or if you don’t wanna go through the trouble, here are some of the other entries, by jon3pnt0 and the lovely NatsumeRyu, respectively

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By Sean Whitmore, March 31, 2010 5:17 pm

These days, my humorism is expressed primarily through Comic Critics!, the weekly webcomic I produce with Brandon Hanvey. And before that, through Fanboy Productions, an action-figure webcomic that I updated every so often when I could be bothered to get my lazy ass off the couch and find my camera.  I’m pretty sure I started the whole toy-comic craze, but I have absolutely nothing to back that up.

And in between those titanic endeavors (he said, tongue firmly in cheek), there were a number of other little things I wrote here and there that received a little recognition and that I’m rather proud of. Here they are for posterity (and so I don’t have to keep Googling the damn things when I’m feeling nostalgic):

ADAM STRANGE: ASS-KICKER

An article I wrote for the now-defunct Snark Free Waters, as close to a regular blog as I’ve ever belonged.

BLACK BOLT: KING OF KICKASS

Another article from Snark Free Waters. The start of what would have been a theme, but what ended up just being two really similar posts.

ALL-STAR BATMAN: MST3K

Exactly what it says on the tin; the All-Star Batman series seen through the eyes of Mystery Science Theater. These were insanely fun to write, but I eventually had to stop once the comic lost all pretenses of seriousness and basically became a parody of itself. When Wonder Woman calls some guy “Sperm Bank”, we’re past the point where additional commentary is needed to make the thing funny.

Issue #1

Issue #2

Issue #3

VIOLENCE BREAKS OUT AT FUNNYBOOK SIGNING

An Onion-eque news article written for Comics Should Be Good. This was right in the thick of the “One More Day” fiasco, where Spider-Man fandom collectively lost their goddamn minds. This was actually the piece that led CSBG’s creator, the mighty Brian Cronin, to suggest I team up with Brandon, which ultimately led to Comic Critics.

PERCEPTOR REJECTS SCIENCE

A quick little comic I sketched out for The Allspark, a Transformers forum. I’ll save you some trouble; this will mean nothing to you unless you’re one of the 37 people who reads the current Transformer comics published by IDW.

Thanks for sharing this trip down memory lane with me. And I promise to have some new material to talk about real soon! (He said, tongue still firmly in cheek)

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By Sean Whitmore, February 28, 2010 11:47 pm

Goddamn February for being so short. I was hoping I wouldn’t have to do this again for a while.

So here it is, my second post on my brand-shiny-new blog, and it occurs to me that I don’t know what to call myself. Y’know, for when people who are familiar with my online comics and parodies want to inquire about me (shut the fuck up, it’ll happen I NEED THIS).

I can’t really call myself a blogger, can I? I’ve been blogging for, like, five minutes. I might as well call myself a Chinese acrobat because I slipped and fell in the shower. (I like to think that if I were a real blogger, I would have been able to think of a better analogy)

I don’t like to call myself a comedian, as I think that’s a bit misleading. I actually HAVE gone onstage and performed stand-up, but only open mics and those bullshit “bringer” shows where you’re responsible for bringing your own audience to the club. Again, not much different than telling jokes to my drunken racist relatives at the 4th of July barbecue.

A writer? Well, I have written. I am, in fact, writing even as I write this. I also write two web comics (Comic Critics and Fanboy Productions), the occasional satirical article for Comics Should Be Good, and any number of humorous musings and asides on various message boards and comments sections across the web. But I don’t get PAID to write, which is pretty much what makes a writer a “writer” and not just some asshole with a pen and paper.

So I’ve been thinking about it…not for long, really…just about as long as it took me to get to this paragraph…and I think I’ve finally come up with the perfect description for me. My online identity, as it were. My raison d’etre, as it were.

I shall call myself…a humorist.

Because NOBODY knows what that means.

Oh, no you don’t, shut the fuck up. And if you do, it’s because you just Googled it.

And yes, that does mean Fanboy Productions is coming back. More on that later.

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By Sean Whitmore, January 31, 2010 11:49 pm

Welcome to my blog!

That’s about all I have in me right now, I’m really not in the mood for this. But it’s 11:44pm on January 31st, and I promised myself when I started this page at the beginning of the year that I would make at LEAST one post every single month. And although I fully expect to break that promise at some point, breaking it in the very first month of the blog’s existence would constitute an epic failure on such a scale as to shame even ME into action.

So, here it is. January’s post. Made it with15 minutes to spare, bitches. One month in, and I haven’t failed yet.

Pathetic? Yes. If you’re gonna keep coming back here, you’ll quickly get used to that.